no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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