some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
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i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
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Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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