East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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