I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
