Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
