My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
