If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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