She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
