He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
