I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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