The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
