I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
