It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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