So drunk its hurt
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
