so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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