My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
