Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
