Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
