just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
