im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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