There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
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Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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