If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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