I smell stomach acid.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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