happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
