I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
