Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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