just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
