I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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