why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
