so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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