You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
