His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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