why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
