The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
