I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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