I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
