guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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