My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
