the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
