the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
