Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
