so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
