At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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