she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
