omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
