the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
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Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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