Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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