so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
