BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
