so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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