bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
