he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
