when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
