Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize