which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
