Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
