I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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