That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
