After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
