Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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