Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
