U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
