Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
